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Pagmamahal sa Sarili.

Love. Pag-ibig. Pagmamahal.

Mahalin mo ang iyong sarili. Mahalin mo ang bawat nilalang sa iyong paligid. Nabubuhay tayo para magmahal at maranasang mahalin. Ang buhay ay pag-ibig.

Ngayon. Wala na ang kahapon. Wala pa ang bukas. Ang meron lang ang ngayon. Be present. Enjoy what is in the now. Ikaw. Ngayon. Yan lang ang meron.

Mabuhay ka para maranasan ang mga kagandahan na binibigay ng buhay: pagkakaibigan, kalikasan, pamilya, pagmamahal, katapatan.

Hayaan mo ang sarili mo na maging sarili mo. Bigyan mo ng permiso ang sarili mo na maramdaman ang nararamdaman mo. Bigyan mo ng permiso ang sarili mo na mapunta sa kinalalagyan mo. Huwag mong i-pressure ang sarili mo at sabihin na “Ganito ka dapat”. Kung nasaan ka man ngayon, ayos lang na nandyan ka sa sitwasyon na yan.

Piliin mong maging masaya. Pagpasensyahan mo ang sarili mo. Patawarin mo ang sarili mo. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo. Nag-iisa ka lang. Walang makakagawa ng kontribusyon mo sa mundo kundi ikaw lang. Importante ka. Maraming nagmamahal sa’yo. Mahal kita. Minsan makakalimutan mo ‘yan pero pilitin mong alalahanin. Mahal kita.

Magmahal ka. Pakita mo sa kanila. Sabihan mo sila. Pare-pareho nating kailangan ng pagmamahal, kailangan natin ‘tong maramdaman. Pagmamahal ang bumubuhay sa atin. Magtulungan tayo. Huwag natin hayaan ang mundo na magdikta kung paano magmahal, kung sino ang dapat mahalin, kung gaano natin dapat mahalin ang isa’t isa. Huwag natin isipin kung ano ang sasabihin ng iba. Huwag tayong mahiya na ipahayag ang pagmamahal natin sa isa’t isa. Ang mundo, tinuruan tayong huwag magpakita ng emosyon. Hindi ko alam bakit ganito ang mundo, bakit ganito tayong mga tao. E alam naman natin lahat na pagmamahal ang kailangan natin.

Ikaw. Huwag mong hayaang hubugin ka ng mundo nating sira na. Iligtas mo ang sarili mo sa mundong ito. Mabuhay kang malaya. Mabuhay kang malaya sa opinyon ng iba, malaya sa idinidikta ng lipunan. Mabuhay kang mapayapa. Mabuhay kang totoo sa sarili mo. Manatili ka sa iyong katinuan. Ikaw ay ikaw. Ikaw ang magbibigay kahulugan sa sarili mo. Tandaan mo ‘yan. Panghawakan mo. Ikaw ay ikaw at hindi kung ano ang sabihin ng iba.

Maraming kokontra sa’yo. Asahan mo na yan. Panghawakan mo ang sarili mo. Huwag kang padadala sa agos. Tumindig ka. Maging matatag. Huwag mong basagin ang katauhan na pinaghirapan mong buuin. Ikaw ay ikaw. Sila ay sila.

Bawat araw ay pagsubok. Sila laban sa’yo. Ikaw laban sa sarili mo. Kaya kailangan mo magpalakas, mag-ensayo, manindigan. Darating sa’yo ang pagmamahal na kailangan mo. Huwag kang makuntento sa mga tira-tira. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo. Punuin mo ng tiwala, pagmamahal, pag-asa ang buhay mo. Ikaw ang magdidikta kung ano at sino ang papapasukin mo sa buhay mo. Buksan mo ang sarili mo at maging matalino sa pagpili.

Pahalagahan mo yung mga taong nagmamahal sa’yo. Yung totoong nagmamahal sa’yo. Mahalin mo sila. Sila ang dadamay sa’yo sa oras ng pagsubok. Sila ang nandyan para pangitiin at patawanin ka. Sila ang nandyan, handang maging sandalan mo. Alagaan mo sila. Mahalaga silang parte ng katauhan mo. Magtulungan kayo.

Mahal ka nila. Mahal kita. Tandaan mo ‘yan. Panghawakan mo.

Magpakatatag ka. Iligtas mo ang sarili mo. Tulungan mo ang iba na makita ang sarili nila. Magtulungan tayo.

Maliwanag? Asahan ko yan ha.:)

 

“We read to know we are not alone” – C.S Lewis

Para Sa’yo, Topak

Habang nasa katinuan pa ko. Habang kaya ko pa mag-isip ng maayos, isusulat ko na ‘to.

Magkakamali ka. Huwag mo ng itanong kung magkakamali ka. Kasi magkakamali at magkakamali ka. Kahit anong iwas mo, kahit anong ingat mo. Siguradong makakatikim ka ng pagkakamali. At maraming beses yan.

Ang dapat mong tandaan, pag nagkamali ka. Bumangon ka. Magpatuloy. Wag kang mahiya. Lahat naman tayo nagkakamali. Pare-pareho lang tayo. Nagpapanggap lang tayong laging malakas, laging ayos, laging masaya. Walang ganyan. Hahaha. Lahat nalulungkot, nasasaktan. Pero lahat din may pagkakataong sumaya. Nasa sa atin na ang desisyon kung anong nais nating piliin. Basta kapag binigay mo naman ang lahat ng makakaya mo at nabigo ka parin, huwag masiraan ng loob. Huwag magmadali. Huwag ikumpara ang sarili sa iba. Huwag kawawain ang sarili. Huwag bugbugin ang sarili sa mga mapanirang salita. Binigay mo lahat, maipagmamalaki mo yun.

Basta ikaw, alalahanin mo, kapag pakiramdam mo wala ka ng pag-asa, pag hirap na hirap ka na, alalahanin mo yung masasayang bagay. Yung mga naranasan mo na at yung mararanasan mo pa kapag nagpatuloy ka. Nasa isip mo lang lahat yan. Piliin mo yung masaya. Piliin mo yung positibo. Piliin mong magpatuloy.

Isang beses ka lang mabubuhay, maging masaya ka na.

Kung dumating ang oras na kailangan mahiwalay sa mga taong mahal mo, isipin mo na mapalad ka at nakilala mo sila, na nakasama mo sila. May mga taong dumating sa buhay mo na nagpasaya sa’yo, tumulong sa’yo, at naging parte ng pag-unlad mo. Oo, malungkot, masakit. Pero huwag tayo magpadaig sa nararamdaman natin. Gumawa ng paraan para manatili ang koneksyon sa isat isa.

Bagong simula. Bagong mga kaibigan. Bagong pagsubok. Bagong pag-unlad. Bagong ikaw. Mas mabuting ikaw.

Tandaan mo. Minsan lang mabuhay, enjoyin mo na. Mahalin ang sarili. Mahalin ang iba. Magtulungan tayo.

Kapag naramdaman mong mag-isa ka. Nagkakamali ka. Hindi ka nag-iisa. Pakiramdam mo lang yan. May mga nagmamahal sa’yo: ang pamilya mo at mga kaibigan. Kausapin mo sila. Lapitan mo. Humingi ka ng tulong. Nariyan sila, handang tumulong sa’yo. Huwag kang matakot na buksan ang sarili mo sa kanila. Huwag kang matakot na makilala ka nila. Huwag kang matakot na makita nila ang kahinaan mo. Ang mga taong nagmamahal sa’yo handa yang tumulong. Inuulit ko, hindi ka nag-iisa. May mga taong nagmamahal sa’yo. Tumingin ka sa paligid. Buksan ang mga mata. Nandyan sila.

Kung may topak ka ngayon, baka wala masyadong dating sa’yo tong nababasa mo. Pero alalahanin mo na yung taong nagsulat nito. Alalahanin mo, kahapon ikaw siya, wala ng pag-asa pero ngayon positibo na ulit. Hindi permanente yang nararamdaman mo at yang kinalalagyan mo. Makakaraos ka. Makakaraos tayo. Kapit lang. Kaya natin ‘to. Kahit paulit-ulit mong sabihin sa sarili mo to. Makaabot lang sa bukas. Isa isang araw lang muna. Huwag ka mag isip ng malayo. Sapat na ang problema ng araw na ito.

Magpatugtog ka ng masaya, yung nakakabuhay ng dugo. Ang background music natin ngayon eto. 1. Shakira – Try Everything, 2. Lost Frequencies feat. Janieck Devy – Reality, 3. Pizzicato Five – Sweet Soul Revue. Pakinggan mo pag medyo wala kang gana. Haha. Mabuhayan ka sana. Kung pwede lang igarapon tong positibong pakiramdam ginawa ko na para pag kailanganin meron tayong nakahanda.

Ok? Tagalog to. Para dire-diretso. Para sa’yo to. Sana di mo na kailanganin balikan to pero kung kailanganin andito lang. Kaya mo yan. Kapit lang. Maraming nagmamahal sa’yo. Pero importante na mahalin mo ang sarili mo. Ikaw ang lagi mong kasama. Mabuti ng mahal ka ng lagi mong kasama.

Lilipas din yang topak mo. Nakailang topak ka na di ba. Pero ayan nakakapag-type ka pa ngayon. Kapit! Narito tayo sa mundo para maranasan ang kagandahan nito, magmahal, maging parte ng mundo ng isa’t isa. Pare-pareho lang nating kailangan ng pagmamahal at suporta. Mabuhay ka at gawing mas mabuti ang mundo.

Mabuhay. Magsaya. Magmahal.

Uulitin ko ulit. Isang beses lang mabuhay, piliin mo ng maging masaya.

Forgot Gratitude

I forgot to be grateful. I forgot to thank God for all the things I have. Actually, I tried to not think about God in the past year.

I have been constantly looking for something that I do not have (or that I think I don’t). Instead of appreciating what I do have. I am blinded by all the things missing in my life. I kept my focus on what is not. I kept looking for something else. And that made me feel a sense of lack. I felt a void inside. And this was not a good feeling.

I am forgetting gratitude. Gratitude used to be a vital part of my life. Somewhere along the way, I guess I lost it. But now, it’s presenting itself back to me. Gratitude is trying to remind me how I used to be. How I should be. I should be grateful for all that things that I have. I should value this life. I should make the most out of it. Yes, pain and suffering is inevitable but, as Yui Ikari of Evangelion said, “Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will have the chance to be happy.” This is a very nice quote and it made an impact on me. Happiness is a choice. It is not something that happens to us. It is something we create. It is something already inside of us just waiting to be noticed.

Love. I am blind not to see the love available to me; the love directed at me; the love being given to me. I was focused on people who do not return love the way I expect it to. I was too dependent on someone else for the love I should give myself. Sure, other people love me but I depended so much on them that I forgot to love myself. So when they don’t give the love I expect, I get disappointed and hurt. Love is available. I should just increase my awareness. I forgot to appreciate all the love I receive. I forgot how to recognize love. I forgot what love is.

Grace. Despite my foolishness and insecurities, there are still people willing to take me.

Lord, give me strength. I feel so weak. I frequently break inside. I feel hollow. I feel alone.

Open my eyes. There are people who love me and willing to be there for me. Open my eyes. Let me be aware of their presence. Help me appreciate them and make them aware of how they make an impact on me. They are a very important part of my life. They make the struggle bearable.

God, help your child.

Jesus..

Wow. That was weird. I can’t remember when was the last time I called on you.. Jesus. I am sorry. Help me.

Jesus, I love you. I need you. Thank you for always being there to listen and extend a helping hand.

I need a hand to hold. Lend me yours please.

It’s been a while. Really. It has been a while.

I had my ups and downs. I still do.
Lately, my mind was having so many negative and condescending thoughts towards myself that I can’t help but really feel low. Every now and then this happens. It’s a recurring thing.
I started feeling sadness, loneliness, inadequate. I lost sense of everything. I kept asking myself why am I here? Why do I need to continue to move on? What’s the sense of living?
Classic existential crisis questions.

It is very painful to have these doubts about you, and your life. You feel so lost that you don’t know which direction to go and if you even want to take a step.

I also realized that I am depending my happiness and sense of fulfillment on the wrong things.
Learned the hard way. I realized that I haven’t been loving myself fully. I should start taking care of my self more, loving myself more. I should keep in mind that I am a complete person on my own. I should not feel incomplete by myself.
I can be happy with other people but I should remember that I can be happy by myself too.

I thank you Lord for providing very good friends in my life right now.
Whenever I feel low, I have people I can reach out to. They listen to me, try to understand me, and support me. I love my friends.
That is one of the things I love about life. Friends. Intimate friends. They let you see through them, and they let you be raw with them.

To my friends, thank you for being there; for putting up with me during my emotional breakdowns; for letting me know that you love me, you care for me, and just by being there ready to help.
I won’t be able to last through life without friends like you. I know I am an emotional wreck every now and then. Having you during those times, helps me a lot. You save me from getting emotionally drowned.
I hope I am not a burden.

Thank you friends. Thank you Lord for letting me know them and have them in my life.

Lord, I missed knowing you. I missed the old me that believes in You. Help me find myself again. Help me find You again.
I got lost.

Forgive me. I tried to forget You. I didn’t trust You. I turned my back on You.

Help me. I need to be your friend again. I need You to be my friend.
You are the only constant being. Your love is enough to make me survive.
Fill me with Your love. Give me hope. Please.

I need Your guidance, Your love, Your hope. Open my eyes to see You and Your grace.

I love You even though I still doubt You.
Forgive me. Please don’t let go.

Help me live my life with enthusiasm.

Fun & Rest at Work

The past few weeks have been stress free. Thanks a lot for letting me experience this once again. I learn while having fun. I’m enjoying this phase and I will enjoy it while it lasts. I hope I get the best out of this assignment. I hope to impart myself as much as I could.

Your Heart’s Desire

Lord, please place the desires of your heart in mine. Help me realize what my purpose is, what my mission is, what your vision for my life is. Lord, show me the way I should walk.

What do you want me to do?

Take my life. Give me faith to trust what you say. Give me courage to obey your will. Give me love to share.

I love you God.

Encourage me. Motivate me please.
Lift my life up. Help me see you in others. Help me help others see you in me.

God bless my soul.

Thank You 2014

Amazing, wonderful, talented team/friends.
Approachable, considerate, understanding, supportive, humble managers.
Able to mentor and impart knowledge to junior resources. It was a very rewarding experience.
Been busy with asset custodian tasks.
Requested to be moved to other teams multiple times. Wrote a few email requests for this matter. Very fortunate that my senior manager is very understanding and patient with me.
Sad that needed to say goodbye with a few friends because they chose to continue their career somewhere else but also glad because it is for their growth. Wishing them well.
The project got bigger. Met new people.
Got to attend an android training.
Tranferred to another team. Short stint here was very challenging. Felt incompetent and dependent most of the times. Team mates were very good and skilled. Being new felt that I have a lot of catching up to do while having to deliver tasks I have a little understanding of. Felt inadequate even though I’m trying to remind myself that I’m doing fine given the situation. I have to be more patient with my progress.
I got promoted. This added stress in me because expectations will be higher. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for this blessing. It’s just that I am putting pressure on myself. I am still on the process of learning to be patient.
Lunches, dinners, and get-together with college friends, and team mates.
Some loved ones passed away.
Need to establish the habit of reading the Bible again. Need to pray more.
Learned what it means to love others as you love yourself, or so I think, as explain by CS Lewis in Mere Christianity.
Finally got a copy of Mere Christianity as a gift from team Christmas party.
Had a few mentors to look up to at work and was able to express my gratitude to them.
Missed how the team were with our previous leadership. How I was able to raise concerns comfortably without any apprehensions.
First time to have a smartphone. I am still learning how to use this gadget. So far it is very convenient to use a smart phone for connecting to the internet over using a desktop.

This year friendships were formed. I feel comfortable with my friends at work. The team feels like family. I hope I still get to work with them this coming year. Praying to be assigned in a team there.

Thank you Lord for 2014. Time flies so fast. As always, be our guide, courage, and strength for 2015. Strengthen our relationships.

Please help us be patient with ourselves as You are patient with us. God bless us. Thank you for another year.

Gratitude on Christmas

Thank you for this two-week Christmas break. Two weeks to spend with my family during the most wonderful time of the year. Thank you Lord for this opportunity.

Rest all day. Eat all day. Sleep all day. What a life! Reflect all day. Thank God for everything.

Thank you Lord for another year of blessings and lessons. Thank you for the opportunities for growth. Thank you for the people I met this year. Thank you for all the values and lessons I learned from everyone I met. Thank you for the friendships. Thank you for making me feel valued and important. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for all the provisions.

Thank you for the challenges you provided to make me strong. Thank you for molding my character. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for everything.

Get Up

Get up. Get up and never give up.

Gideon Complex

Lord, here I am. Send someone else.

I feel inadequate. I feel I lack the qualities needed for the task at hand. I struggle to talk myself out of this feeling.

I know that You are always there, God. Help me. Help me overcome my insecurities. Help me lean on You. Help me hold on to your grace. Your grace is sufficient for me.

Help me realize the strength and courage You already placed inside of me. Remind me to trust You.

Help me be the change I want to see. Help me be someone I am looking for. Help me be someone I am waiting for. Help me to be patient with myself. Give me the grace I need to forgive my shortcomings. Give me the wisdom to understand my emotions.

Help me to be more considerate towards myself. God, send someone to help
me. I need You to be my strength.

Help me believe in myself like the way you do. Help me see you in me.

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